by comedywritert
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アメリカに放たれたイレギュラージャパニーズのヤケクソブログ
アメリカ人と結婚してアメリカに移住した友達のブログです!御覧あれ~ 簡単ネットショッピング♪ 格安の超お得商品からハイセンスな逸品まで気軽にお買い物☆ 酒見組 私が参加させていただいているバスケチームのサイトです♪ フォロー中のブログ
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Presidential race is going on in the states. I'm not a type of guy who follows the news all the time. I'm not good at politics at all. But this election is pretty interesting to me. Barack Obama, is he going to be the first African American president?
Chris Rock used to say we'll never see black vice president, 'cause some black guy would kill the president. Are they going to send that guy to jail with million other black guys treat him like a hero for the rest of his life? Death penalty would be disaffirmed by the black president! Well, time has changed. You don't need to kill the president to make the black vice president become the president. I think it's cool. But I feel good enough already 'cause Obama kicked Hilary's big butt. Because every woman has a nature to defeat guy on the conversation. When it comes to persuading and enforcing, you can't compete with women. Look at your relationship with your girlfriend. She's like "I wanna stay with you!!" "No honey, I have a appointment with my client tonight." "I'm going with you then!!" "No sweety, you can't come! It's a business meeting!" "Then cancel that for me! I wanna eat dinner with you!" "No I can't! It's important meeting!!" "Which is important!? Business or me!?" Here comes the ultimate choice. Guys would be like "Oh, come on, don't do that!" "Which is it!!" "Alright, alright, you are very important to you, but business is also important to me. If I dont do good job, I would not be able to buy any present for you, right?" Guys get practical and reasonable, totally believing we could persuade girls, however... "Just cancel it! I wanna eat dinner with you! Ahhhh" "Oh, come on baby, don't cry!! Baby, alright alright, OK, I cancel, alright!?" Guys believe everything is OK now, but "I'm going home!! You don't love me!! You don't wanna be with you, I don't wanna be with you!!" "Oh baby, it's not that I don't love you!! I love you!!" "So show me!!" Girls want something visible... Guys are like, "Ahh... How about nice dinner. I'll pay." "Deal!" #
by comedywritert
| 2008-10-11 14:50
| Column
I have a confession...
I'm a racist... Fuck!! I wanna be a white!! Just like Michael Jackson... ...Oh, it's not that I hate Japanese, but... Japanese!! Man, it's crazy, when I was eating with my girlfriend, she was like "Wow, it's delicious!" "Yeah, it is huh" "It's so good my cheeks are falling off!" "...What!? I hope it's not the food!! Are my cheeks are falling off too!? Are you alright? Hey, stop eating that now!! Yo, someone, call 911!!" When my boss talked to me at work, he's like "I can't believe you made the same mistake! I told you so many times until my mouth gets sour!!" "... Ah, yeah I kinda noticed... Tooth brush, alright?" When I was invited to my coworker's house, he was like "My baby is so cute, I would not feel any pain even if I stick my baby in my eyes!" "Yo, yo, you are not supposed to stick your baby in your eyes! You are not supposed to stick your baby to any part of your body!! God!!" Isn't it crazy!? Please, please show us the way Mike! #
by comedywritert
| 2008-10-09 01:53
| Jokes
You know what I love? On a hot, wet morning, I love being squeezed in a crowded train with million wet motherfuckers are hanging around. The guys at the train station shuve you into the train! You go “Ahh!! Thank you!”
The guy behind you got an umbrella in your ass! “Oh!”, “Oh I’m sorry...” “Hey!”, “Oh, sorry...” “Stop!”, “...Sorry” Eventually his umbrella slips down. Stuck between your legs and it starts rubbing your nuts! You are like “Heeey!!!” “Hey, stop!” “Don’t!” “Stop!” “Don’t!” “Stop!” “Don’t” Then the train stops, and everybody got off. You are like “Hey, what the fuck is wrong with you man!!...Don’t stop!” “Hey hey, where are you going!!Let me buy you a breakfast, come on!” Oh come on man! You know how it feels like! You must be like “This Japanese boy is crazy” Maybe you are right, ‘cause Japanese boys are usually nice and quiet, around you!! ‘Cause we have a complex. ‘Cause your language fucked up! R and L!? Come on man! You need 2 sounds for R!? What? R and RR? English is hard man. One time me and my Japanese friend went to Seattle together. One of my American friends in Seattle took us around the town. We got really excited! “Wow! Space needle!” “Wow! Starbucks!” “Wow! Pikeplace market!” “Starbucks!” “Such a beautiful sea!” “Starbucks!!” “Seattle’s best Coffee” “Starbucks!!” Especially the Japanese guy, he’s not very good at English, he got very excited, talking to the American guy “Wahh, Sugoi! Sugoine!” And he tried some English and said, “You are shitty, good!!” American guy’s like “Am I what!?” So, we went to a burger shop right. Of course the Japanese guy tried some English again. “Ah, one large cock please” Guy at the shop was like “You want what?” So he tried again “Ah, one big size American cock please” The guy was like “Huh?... Oh I got it! You want a hotdog huh!?” You still might be thinking that Japanese boys are nice and decent. Man, you don’t know. I used to have a roommate. He’s like 600 pounds guy, he never takes a shower, smells like an ass is walking around the house! And he never flash the toilet! Whenever I gotta use the bathroom, “Humming... Good god!! Hey, how many times do I have to tell ya!? You gotta flash the damn toilet! You nasty motherfucker!” He’s like “Ah, OK” One time my girlfriend stayed at my place for a few days, and when I came back from work one day, she was all crying. I was like “Honey! What happened!? Why are you crying!?” She’s like “Your roommate...” “He’s what?” “He calls me a &@$%...” I was like “He calls you what? Oh whatever , that does it!!” I stormed up stairs, slam opened the door, “Alright bitch, you... You... What the... What the fuck are you doing!? What the fuck is this!? This is like your grandmother on TV humping! What the hell!? ... Wait a minute, this is MY grandmother! What the fuck!? Grandma!!? Where did you get this!? And what the fuck are you doing!?” His blanket pumping up and down and shit. “Oh my got!! What the fuck!? Ahhh, my eyes!!? Fuck!! Oh man!! I gotta wash my eyes!! Fuck!! Fuck you!! I come back later!!” Bump! “Oh my god! I can’t believe it! Fuck! ...Hey, I gotta tell you one more thing!” “You gotta flash the damn toilet!!” #
by comedywritert
| 2008-09-21 10:54
| Jokes
Ahhhh, man! It's been forever since I wrote something here the last time. I was reviewing my last entry, which is about working at a warehouse. Now I'm working at "Coca-Cola"! Motherfucker, who da man!?
It's like a fucking success story man. You can make a movie out of my damn life. I was like a total loser, you know, moving heavy ass boxes full of copy paper and shit all day long, got 1,000 yen per hour, breaking my back and knees, got no insurance. Now I just sit my ass all day long, in a nice office in Shibuya, got free Coke everyday, how nice! Well, the payment sucks anyways. To be hornest with ya, I'm not really belonging to Coke. I'm a contract employee, which is like I have another company that I'm actually belonging to, and the company send me to other company to work. It is like me's a hoe and the company's a pimp. I gotta suck random dick, the client pays good amount of money to the pimp, and a hoe got tiny bit of money that you can't buy shit! Fuck, my life ain't a fucking success story! My life's like a typical going down man! China → English School → Warehouse → Hoe Motherfucker, what's da next!? Drug dealer? #
by comedywritert
| 2008-06-29 08:34
| Column
I got fired from my job lately, and now I'm working at a warehouse... lol
Ah... I'm sorry it's not funny. Working at a warehouse is pretty decent job... lol I could get the job fairly easily. It is not because I'm the smartest and best looking guy ever, but you could get the job only if you have a face. No resume, no interviews. That might sound good to you, but it means people who couldn't get a job if the interview was held could get the job. But it's OK, 'cause what we do at the warehouse is carrying extremely heavy boxes from the point A to the point B. It is so simple that any idiot can do it. Take my coworker for example. His name is... Well, I don't know his name, but I call him "Mr. inches away from homeless". His hair is so oily that if he swim in the sea, it's gonna be a international crisis! Seagal is gonna be like "Holy shit! I can't fly!! Wash me up man! Wash me up! This oil thing smells fucked up!!" And I think his shoes used to be white... And he can't talk. He just can't! On my first day I was like "Hi, how are you doing?" "..." "Hello, my name is Tetsuya, it's my first day." "..." "... CAN YOU TALK??" Then another coworker walks by and said, "Oh, he can't talk! He's 31 years old. He hasn't been laid!" I was like, "Oh... Is that true??" (To Mr. Inches away homeless) "..." "Oh, YOU CAN talk huh. Great! Can you work full time!? Please!" I was like, "Full time? Work? HERE? Hahaha... Hell no!" #
by comedywritert
| 2008-02-04 22:31
| Column
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